I am.

"I will be weak, unable to speak--still I will call you by name..."

I sat in my room by myself for a majority of today. Sometimes I appreciate the solitude, other times I find myself in a state of melancholy. Theres too much time to think and dwell on things that don't even matter, at least not yet. Eventually I made my way over to my computer and turned on my itunes. I quickly started to scroll through my music trying to determine what I was in the mood for. I came across a song that I've always held as a sort of anthem to my relationship with the Father. 

The song is about different stages in life. In this case a young girl, and adolescent girl, a married woman, and a mother. The common theme? I am. They all knew the name they could call, each using different adjectives to describe exactly who God was to them. 

Elbow healer, super hero, 

heartache healer, secret keeper, 

shepherd, saviour, 

creator, comforter...

Hold my hand, come if you can,

be my best friend...

And to each resounding cry and plea He answered simply

"I am."

It occurs far too often. We lose our grip. We feel as if the rope has become a thread and could give at any moment, as if our weight is too heavy for Him to bear. Its so easy to forget that He once pierced the skin of His own Son so that we wouldn't have to bear those scars. Instead we inflict our own. We put a knife to our wrists and pray the blood wont stain. We take the medications to soothe our aches. Throw ourselves off of bridges to alleviate our struggles. We've become a generation of masochists, always beating ourselves up because we feel we are lacking. Little did you know that in every moment you tried to end it all He was there. Imagine the torment that would come with knowing your child had no desire to live.
 My solitude has cost me some sanity, I will admit. But my blessings out weigh all of my struggles. 

I have pleaded with Him to carry me, to take me and mold me. I have begged Him to heal me, cried for Him to save me. I have asked Him to be my redeemer and my restorer. I have screamed at the top of my lungs until there was no voice left, for Him to come to me. GOD!! Are you even listening??

And He says "I am."